Forever Expanding Awareness In Liberation

Anger is a powerful force. I used to claim that I didn’t tend to ever feel angry. Then later down the track I discovered that this force would arise within my world more often than I’d allowed myself to admit — or, more accurately, to truly feel and embrace.

I discovered that what I sometime felt as depression and melancholy was in fact the introversion of anger that I neither wanted to feel nor to express nor to take action on. This discovery prompted me to explore this force and it’s role and purpose within my inferiority.

What is anger?
Where does it come from?
What message does it bring to me?
Why does it arise?
Why does it have such an effect on me when I suppress it?

I’ve discovered a few things about this force we call anger. These things I will consolidate and share here with you now.

I have found that within the human mythology (our Collective Dream) anger is the messenger of change. Anger is very often that force that screams out “Something about this situation has to change… and change now!!”.

Yet change is innate to all things. Change is unavoidable. It is taking place in every moment. It is an innate quality of life. So why then would a messenger of change be necessary? If change is a simple fact of life then it just happens, right?

Wrong.

As a human I can choose NOT to change. I can resist and go into opposition against the forces of change. I can attach and fixate onto things being as they are. I can try to hold on to a certain belief, attitude, emotional pattern, mental thought-form or construct, etcetera.
Why would I do that?

Fear.

Hence, very often fear and anger go hand in hand. Harbouring fear results in a me taking certain actions (even if that action is a form of non-action). The re-action is Anger. As I said, anger is the messenger of CHANGE — when change is being resisted through fear the anger will arise.

Now, some time ago at an MKP meeting, I had a few insights into what — for a man — we are very often being asked to change.

Within the male archetype of the human collective story, there is this construct / programme / thought-form that says Man is not to feel. Feelings present a man with the formidable force of the Infinite Unknown. Because man, in his current collective state, does not know nor remember what it means to be a masculine presence in this world he tries to avoid the Unknown. Man does in fact have a role to play in this regard — that of mapping out the Unknowing and bringing into the tangible realm of the Known. This is Creativity in motion.

Some men resist their feelings vigilantly for they are resisting the unknown. They are resisting their function in the Dream, because they have forgotten their nature and hence can’t live up to it.

What I observed during a meeting with a man exploring anger was that, in my experience, this man’s life-long battle with anger actually came back to resisting his own feelings.
I think that by exploring this much will be revealed.
Now I can relate this same thing to a period in my life — relatively recently — where I really experienced full-blown anger for the first time. I shall use that to elaborate on the insight that came in watching this man.

This resistance of my own feelings may play out as not loving and respecting my feelings and my emotions.
The emotions I might ignore may be about some basic perceived needs that aren’t being met (if I am still ego-identified); they may be my reaction to my boundaries not being respected; or whatever the case may be. They might also be the feelings that manifest from inspiration and intuition. These are the feelings that come through to move me through the Dream in a way that is Life-giving and congruent with my Purpose and the Intention the drives that Purpose.
Of course all that is just part of my story, but there it is — it’s playing out and I’m participating.

As I write this I can see that there are many layers at play, and I will do my best to peel each one back.
Here’s a hypothetical situation….

1) I get home from work and my partner starts ranting and raving at me. I already feel at my wits end after driving in traffic for a few hours, proceeded by a shit of a day at work. My feeling and my emotional state in that moment is “I don’t need this right now. I am not energetically/emotionally in a position to help my partner out with this. In fact I don’t even have the energy to listen to this and hear her out. This doesn’t feel good.”.

Now, I could express that in a loving and honest way. That would be a clean way to go about it. If I remain in my integrity then that is what I will do. But remaining in my integrity means that I have a basic level of love and respect for my Self and who I am. Without that respect and love of self it’s bloody hard to remain in integrity with myself — because I am already constantly out of integrity with myself if I don’t have that basic fundamental level of love and respect there.

So, in the absence of this basic love and respect, I squash these feelings and emotions down. I might even feel (assume) that my partner will reject me if I don’t give her my full attention and listen to what she has to say. I might feel (assume) that she will reject me if I express that I don’t feel like I have the energy to be there for her and I wish to go for a walk. That rejection that I assume I might get from her is in fact a projection of me rejecting myself. I have already rejected my own feelings/emotions or Truth in that moment and the ego-mind (my shadow) has projected it out onto the role my partner is playing in my story in that moment.

So. These emotions that arose in me — it’s energy in motion. Motion is about change of state. So my energy was changing state… it was moving. I’ve jumped on it and suppressed it. Where does that energy go?

Well, let’s imagine a river. If I dam up a river the the water starts to build up. Eventually a large lake of water — repressed energy / life-force — builds up. If the dam remains in place — during the course of many years in my life — then during the next down-pour of rain (the next surge of emotion) the river might burst it’s bank or the dam might rupture or overflow. When the river bursts its banks and a huge flood of water gushes out, well that’s Anger. That’s the river of water saying “That’s enough. This situation has to change. This fucking dam is killing me. I can’t flow when things are like this!!”

Bringing this metaphor back to a human example. All this life force — which has been trying to express itself as energy in motion or e-motion — has built up due to my fear damming it up. Then when the next surge of energy comes through — perhaps as my emotions arise when faced with the drama of my partner’s story at a time when I don’t feel like being there for her (because I need to be there for myself in that moment) — then this is like the next downpour of rain. The river swells and something has to burst.

BAM !! — I’m in a fucking outrage and God help any mother-fucker that gets in my way !!

This anger is not “bad”. Nor is it “good”.
It is life-taking. Yes.
But then again, if it is turned around — if I apply my awareness to hearing the powerful message it has come to share with me — then it becomes life-giving and powerfully transformational. The other key here — a secret to many — is that the power of this anger is indicative of a person’s capacity to love and be kind and gentle.

2) The next level. In the example above I had fear. I was afraid of how my partner might respond to my expressing my needs in that moment and stating how I felt and what I wanted to do.

Why would I make that sort of choice?
Why would I choose to NOT honour myself?
Why would I be living a life that involves me going through a whole day getting more and more stressed out to the point where I get home and can’t be a loving presence for my beloved?

Why have a created a life where every day I am coming home to a partner that does nothing but project her drama onto me and throw abuse and criticism at me?
Why do I put up with that?
Is that what I wish to have in my world?
It that something that brings great joy into my life?
Is that something my partner — someone I love — wants in her world?

I would say (again) that this hypothetical scenario has arisen due to a lack of self-love and self-respect — which results in my denying how I feel and the emotions that move through me. I don’t feel good in this life-scenario yet I squash that feeling away. Perhaps I carry around the belief that I must be there for people no matter what, or that I must put other people first. Perhaps I have some sort of new-age belief in unconditional love and have in fact placed on myself all sorts of conditions in order to appear unconditional.

Perhaps I saw my father beating my mother most weeks when I was a child, and eventually leave her and the family to settle elsewhere. I then saw what I thought — as a child — was my mother’s pain around that story and made a choice at that time “not to do that same thing”… and the repetition of that choice has resulted in me taking on a saviour complex with women who play out the story of being a victim to life and to men. I then draw these sorts of women into my world, feel deeply attracted to them, and then their victim story comes to the forefront and up comes my saviour story and I get to fulfil my belief that I must rescue needy women, and they get to fulfil their belief that a man doesn’t really love them if he doesn’t get angry and abusive (because that’s how their father — their first “loving” male role model — treated them).

Are you with me on this? I hope so.

So the deeper element in this is that the whole thing is playing out for reason.

On one level I am not honouring the feelings that arise when faced with the drama of my life.
On another level I perceive that I have needs and that these needs are not being met and I don’t honour those needs.
On another level I am not honouring my self and staying in integrity with myself because of whatever belief patterns I am carrying around.
On yet another level I am forgetting my Divinity and That which I AM. That which I AM has no needs, except one. That one need is to simply have a mirror. So all the other needs I felt I had (in the levels detailed above) are in fact the result of my forgetting who and what I am.

My partner is providing me with the mirror that I require. What a blessing.
My reactions within the human story are providing me with the mirror. Another blessing.
My feelings that I perceive within me are providing me with the mirror. These blessings keep on rolling in.
My life story of drawing certain types of emotionally needy “I am a victim” type people into my world is also the mirror. But so long as I continue to approach all of this in a state of unconsciousness — completely asleep to it all — then I am just sleep walking. In that state I will continue to bang my head against things, stumble over the furniture, walk off cliffs, and lash out in anger when I suppress who and what I am due to fearing whatever I think the consequence might be if I do otherwise.

I said earlier that anger is the messenger of change, and that which sheds light upon previously hidden fear.

What I have endeavoured to show is that the only thing the ever needs to change is MY RELATIONSHIP TO MYSELF and the actions and choices the consistently result from a false or life-taking relationship to self.

In part two of this article I will explore the fallacy of “anger management”, the nature of confusion, and the dance of the chakras in relation to anger and repression of Self.

With love,

Jonathan

I watched a man stepping into the early stages of his work recently, and there is a realisation I shared with that man that I feel other men—men consciously on the path to liberation from the collective insanity we call “normality”—might benefit from reading about.

What I have observed and experienced in my own life, and the realisation that came whilst observing the work of another man, is this:
What appears to be an impossible situation; a catch-22 type dilemma; a no-way-out circumstance; call it what you may—is not simply calling out for “fixing” and resolution. Rather this sort of self-created phenomena is in fact calling out for a change of consciousness. The way in which I have woven my particular story of suffering and misery is in complete congruence with my Soul’s path to set me free.

The implications of this fact are that rigidly fixating on trying to find a solution or an immediate easy answer to my apparent dilemmais not what my work is all about. When a man comes back to a place of self-love, drops his judgement of himself and his apparent circumstances, and brings clear clean awareness into contact with the dilemmahe appears to be facing his situation is immediately transformed. This is the transformation from facing a painful and seemingly unsolvable dichotomy, to now facing the means and circumstances through which That which I AM is waking this man up to his glory, his authentic power, his love, and his omnipotent magnificence. What appeared to be a deeply personal battle for survival has now been transformed into a deeply impersonal experience of that which will wake this man up to his true self.

The warrior of old went to war. This war was about fighting and destroying that which was judged to be wrong or bad. The new warrior goes into loving conscious relationship. A relationship with that which is perhaps frightening, deadly to the ego/shadow self, and intimidating. Relationship with that which will—when approved rightly—will unveil that which has kept this man in a place of smallness, emotional poverty, false power, no power, destructiveness, and general suffering. This is a relationship that I would liken to the warrior that is going out on a hunt. When I go into war I am there to fight and destroy the life of a perceived enemy—this was the way of the old warrior. Yet as man going out on a hunt I am stepping out into the unknown elements of nature in order to form a relationship with my prey. Through this relationship I will get to know it’s ways. I will come to know it’s habits like where it sleeps, grazes, drinks, andwalks. I will come to know whether it has family and I will come to know it’s position within it’s “tribe”. I come to know all these things as I carefully and lovingly stalk it so that I might successfully capture this prey—now a friend that I honour and respect—and then receive the life that it embodies.

As you can see, I am sure, that warrior that goes out to stalk and hunt prey is a very different warrior from he who goes out to seek and destroy another man. Hunting, when approached in the way of our ancient ancestors, is a life-giving act of grace—of love in action.

What I would like to suggest is that my shadow—and your shadow—is in fact prey that is best approached like the wise hunter would approach it. In my experience, it is easy for a man to approach his pain, his struggles, and his shadows in a way that is much like going to war.

“I experience such pain when I am faced with this sort of situation in my relationship with my wife… It’s a real shadow behaviour for me… I want to root that fucker out and be free of this bullshit”.

Oh, how often have I heard a man talk about his work in this way, perhaps feeling that it’s a noble step for him to be so open about what’s going on for him.

Yet what I would like to gently and lovingly suggest is that this is the cry of an old warrior of war going into battle on the contemporary battlefield of his own inner psyche. I can not differentiate between this and the person I here saying

“I’ve got this cancer in my lung… I just want to get rid of this fucker… it’s eating me up and I don’t fucking like it. I feel scared and intimidated (by this enemy)”

The hunter will also feel some fear as he steps away from the familiar territory of his village and out into the wilderness. A wilderness that no matter how well he explores, it will always embody a strong presence of the unknown for him for it is always changing and forever full of surprises—for it is alive and evolving and growing all the time. Yet this fear will not bring about intimidation and the heartless desire to attack and destroy that a man going to war might feel as he steps out onto the battlefield. No, rather it will heighten his sense, centre him in his heart, and make his mind lucid withpenetrating awareness. In this heightened state he will go out on the hunt to receive more life.

When a man stalks his own shadows in this way he too is going out—or more “in” as the case may be—to hunt for more life. He is stepping inward to claim back that fragment of his own life—his own Soul—that he had previously lost and forgotten about. To approach this sort of inner work with a warring attitude is to potentially destroy the very Life that I am here to receive, reclaim, and reintegrate. I can not, of course, destroy life for God has created me as a Creator. Hence this Life—this fragment of my own Self that I am ultimately meant to reclaim—will simply jump ship and start expressing itself in the form of yet another shadow.

Let me give voice a word of warning though. Life is infinitely intelligent. Hence if I go to war with my shadow and destroy what appears to be its menacing form, then the life behind it and within it will find an increasingly formidable form to express itself through next time. Each time I am faced with the challenge of reclaiming this particular fragment of my own Soul the circumstance will get increasingly painful and increasingly challenging. The eventual outcome being that if I keep up this warring approach I will eventually find myself out there on the battlefield facing such a vast and powerful “enemy” that going to battle with it will no long be an option.

“This fucker will wipe you out no matter how bloody minded and powerful you think you are”.

When faced with such a formidable enemy I have two options. Either I go to war and die, or a retreat and reassess the situation. That reassessment—when carried out with intelligence and wisdom—will result in only ONE outcome. The natural outcomeis that I will have to drop my sword, my armour and my shield. I will pick up my bow and arrow, a bag of water, and a light rucksack, and step out into the jungle of my own interiority to meet this perceived opponent not as “enemy” to be destroyed, but as prey to be hunted. I will go into a loving relationship with it—and it must be a loving relationship. The only way the hunter truly gets to know his prey is by entering into this loving relationship, for it is only in that sacred space that he can truly meet his prey, connect with it, bond with it, and hence come to deeply know and understand it.

So this is why your shadow, your pain, and your suffering will continue to escalate when approached unconsciously. This is the mechanism by which Nature insures that every human will in fact one day wake up to approaching Life with deep love, reverence, and as a blessing presence.

May you quickly realise that each perceive shadow, dilemma, challenge, and painful circumstance you face is not there to be “got rid of”. Rather it is there to teach you and to grant you more Life—Life that you had previously given up in order to become more aware of what you are by experiencing what it means to lose it. Each trying situation is there to heal you. Each challenge and formidable situation is there to temper your spirit so that you might bring forth an even greater expression of your Magnificence. It’s not an enemy, rather it is one of your greatest allies.

With love and blessings,

Jonathan